Today I want to share with you guys about how I learned at 27, to finally let go of my need for approval from my immigrant parents.
I told myself that it is not my job to convince them to understand my lifestyle or my choices.
When I catch myself getting frustrated with my parents, I take a few steps back and reassess the situation. Once my parents see this, they let their guards down and more willing to have discussions than a screaming competition.
Practice pausing and breathing between sentences next time when you get frustrated with your parents.
When we were kids, parents made decisions for us and they wish to continue even when we’re adults. It’s hard for us to take the power back without hurting our parents.
One day, I had a sudden realization which was a breakthrough for me and then everything started falling into place. The truth hit me like a brick. I realized that my parents might never understand me or the choices that I make. And If I keep waiting, my dreams also may never come true.
Our beliefs were different from going to school, choosing a major, making new friends, traveling to places, having sleepovers to choosing a life partner. You name it! We disagreed on many things. I’ve learned to accept that it’s not in my control to change their minds. I’ve made peace with it.
I have accepted that I will not be able to please them 100 percent all of the time. Some things will make them proud and some things will make them upset. Regardless, I will love and respect them.
I told myself that I will not let the guilt and shame to consume me for not meeting my parents’ expectations.
At this point in life, I finally understand that disagreeing with my parents does not make me a terrible daughter. It simply makes me a human.
I felt the need to share this with you guys because as children of immigrants, we go though this tug of war between the heart and the mind most of the time. It’s important to be gentle with yourself. Also, finding this middle ground does not happen overnight. It takes a lot of self control and practice to train your mind. I want you to know that whatever it is you’re going through, you are not alone. Many of us are fighting similar battles.
So, feel free to share this with anyone that might need support or piece of advice. Make sure you check in on your loved ones and let them know you’re here for them.