Backstory
I was born into a Muslim family, but it wasn’t until later in my adulthood that I discovered Islam. Growing up, my household was nontraditional, and my parents were open-minded. While my mother and aunts always dressed modestly, they never wore a headscarf and never forced any beliefs on me or my sister. My mother would always tell us that wearing a hijab is a personal decision that should be made between ourselves and our Creator. We moved to the States when I was nine years old. Despite living in a foreign country, my father worked tirelessly to ensure that his three children were raised with a strong foundation in Islam, teaching us how to read the Quran and perform prayers.
In my first year of college, I went back to visit my homeland and got married. It was arranged by my family, as is normal in South Asian culture where families play a significant role in their daughters’ matrimony. I firmly believe that my parents would always make choices that were in my best interest.
Transitioning
Three years later, my in-laws arrives in the States and their presence brought about a significant shift in my views of Islam. They insisted that I should not continue my education and instead focus on taking care of my child and the household responsibilities. They believed my spouse should be solely responsible for providing for our family, and I should not have to work outside the home. The expectations on my appearance became increasingly prevalent as they began to control how I should dress. I was told to wear a hijab and adopt a more modest style. According to their standards, my level of modesty fell short. Despite my uneasiness, my spouse remained silent in supporting his parents’ ideals and continued to support to their directives, disregarding my own feelings.
The family consistently mixed religion with their statements, emphasizing that their actions were guided by Allah’s commandments. They would frequently use Allah’s name to justify certain behaviors. I was always told to speak and act in a specific manner, dress modestly, and conduct myself accordingly, etc.
A particular incident which stands out in my memory. It was during a family dinner when my father-in-law criticized the meal prepared by his wife in front of everyone at the table. While my mother-in-law chose to remain silent, I couldn’t help but empathize with her. In that moment, I decided to take a stand and speak up on her behalf. I responded to him with, “we should acknowledge the challenges of cooking for a large family and although the food may not always be perfect, we should be grateful for her efforts in preparing dinner for us.” After that, a heavy silence filled the air as no one uttered a single word. Following this, I was pulled aside by the mother in law and she advised me not to do that again. I was told not to express my thoughts openly as it is considered disrespectful towards elders even if they said something wrong.
Transitioning from an open, affectionate family environment to one that required me to navigate through the boundaries set by my in-laws proved to be a big challenge. Each step I took was met with harsh criticism and repercussions. The feeling of being an outsider within the family continued to grow, as they consistently made me feel like I didn’t belong. The impact of this change began to take a toll on my mental and emotional health.
Eventually, I found myself pondering the challenges posed by Islam. I began to question the reasons behind the restrictions placed upon women and the comparatively lesser restrictions imposed on men. This led me to think about whether it is possible for God to be unjust towards women. My faith began to fill me with resentment as I found no peace in my prayers, feeling disconnected from Allah.
Parting Ways
Desiring a brighter future for both my daughter and myself, I made the decision to leave the confines of my spouse’s household. One day, I gathered my child’s belongings, called a taxi, and left everything behind and reached my parent’s home. My parents had multiple conversations with me, but they were well aware of the fact that convincing me to return was an impossible task. They knew that I was not simply a wife. I possessed a strong desire to establish my own identity. Pursuing my graduate degree and becoming an educator were my aspirations. I was driven by a passion to contribute to my community and serve as a role model for my child. I did not want anyone dictating my decisions. I wanted to make my own choices and create a life that I dreamed of. Even if it meant that marriage was not for me, I embraced this possibility wholeheartedly. My family completely understood this and later supported my decision to initiate a divorce.
After a few years, the challenges I faced were far from over. I found myself yearning for a deeper understanding of my religion, seeking answers that would satisfy my curiosity. It was a personal obligation I felt towards myself to find Islam. Deep within my heart, I couldn’t accept the idea that my Creator could be unjust or biased in any way.
Journey to Finding Islam
At the age of 25, fueled by a firm belief that there must be something more profound than the narratives shared by my in-laws, I take off on this enlightening journey in search of what it means to be a woman in Islam.
Prophet Muhammad SAW said, it is a blessing to have a daughter, they are not burdens. Daughters open the door for paradise for her parents. Women are encouraged to follow the ideal character of Fatimah, the beloved daughter of Prophet Muhammad SAW. She is known for her unwavering support and devotion to her father, she stood by him firmly throughout his journey.
salamislam.com/articles/women/fatimah-daughter-prophet-muhammad-pbuhhp. Accessed 22 Jan. 2024.
Allah granted women the right to do business and achieve financial independence, similar to the ideal example of Khadijah, the wife of Prophet Muhammad SAW. She was a prosperous merchant herself, demonstrated exceptional capabilities by taking over her father’s business and skillfully managing it after his passing.
Sofia, Amara. “Why Khadijah, Wife of Prophet Muhammad, Is an Important Figure in Islamic History?” The Companion, 8 Mar. 2017,
Islam grants women to inherit property from their fathers or husbands, ensuring their economic security and autonomy. This shows the importance of empowering women to pursue their entrepreneurial goals and secure their financial future.
Amini, Ibrahim. “Women’s Inheritance in Islam.” Www.al-Islam.org, 12 Feb. 2015, www.al-islam.org/introduction-rights-and-duties-women-islam-ibrahim-amini/womens-inheritance-islam.
According to Islamic principles, women are granted the right to earn income. They have the right to manage their own earnings and have full control over their financial resources.
Womens-Work-and-Islam.pdf (georgetown.edu)
Education is a fundamental rights for women, as illustrated by the remarkable story of Aisha, the wife of Prophet Muhammad SAW. Aisha’s profound knowledge and expertise in the Quran and Islam have solidified her position as one of the most admired scholars in history, highlighting the importance of empowering women through education.
“Does Islam Approves of Education for Girls?” Learn Religions, 2012, www.learnreligions.com/girls-education-in-islam-2004260.
Women have the right to keep their last name even after marriage. This recognition of their individual identity allows women to maintain a sense of self, promoting equality and respect within marital relationships. By embracing this right, society acknowledges the significance of a woman’s heritage and affirms her right to choose how she is identified.
In Islam, women are granted the freedom to live independently from their in-laws, allowing them to have their own separate living arrangements. It is also important to note that a wife is not obligated to fulfill cooking or serving duties for her in-laws.
sufyan. “A Wife’s Right to Housing Separate from Her In-Laws.” SeekersGuidance, 7 Oct. 2009, seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/a-wifes-right-to-housing-seperate-from-her-in-laws/. Accessed 22 Jan. 2024.
The status of mothers is elevated to higher position in Islam. Maryam serves as an inspiration for women to embrace their strength, as she defied societal norms by giving birth to Isa (Jesus) without any physical contact with a man. Her unwavering trust in Allah during challenging moments exemplifies her tawakkul (faith). Islam places great emphasis on the status of mothers, as their position is considered three times higher than that of fathers. This highlights the significance of mothers in Islam, with the belief that heaven lies beneath their feet.
The Status of Mothers in Islam | Salamislam. (n.d.). Salamislam.com. https://salamislam.com/articles/family/status-mothers-islam
In the final moments before the passing of Muhammad SAW, he emphasized the importance of cherishing and protecting the women in society by repeating this message three times, “Take care of your women. Take care of your women. Take care of your women.”
“Sahih Al-Bukhari 5185, 5186 – Marriage (Nikaah) – كتاب النكاح – Sunnah.com – Sayings and Teachings of Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه و سلم).” Sunnah.com, sunnah.com/bukhari:5185.
Muhammad SAW’s words serve as a timeless reminder for individuals to uphold the rights and dignity of women, creating an environment of equality and empowerment.
Ramification
Contrary to my firsthand experience, my research into the treatment of women in Islam revealed a completely different perspective. I found that my former spouse and in-laws only used religion and the name of Allah as a means to rationalize their own actions and treatment towards me. Their conservative beliefs made me feel inferior, but based on Islamic teachings, it is evident that women are made to be treated with utmost love and respect. It is disheartening to see how patriarchal system suppress the rights granted to women by Allah, only to exert control and manipulate their capabilities, out of fear. Unfortunately, there are people like this who would use God’s name to justify their actions. They tend to create an impression that Muslim women are inferior to men and they’re unable to fully exercise their freedom.
Due to this, the misconception that women are treated a certain way in Islam is widely held by many countries in the western world. It is crucial to recognize that Islam itself does not inherently promote the mistreatment of women. The truth is Islam has given women all fundamental rights such as business ownership, inheritance, education, work, choosing one’s spouse, security, health, and right to a good life.
Islam stands out as the only religion in the world that women are honored with an extraordinary level of respect, elevating their status to a higher rank. This characteristic sets Islam apart from other religious beliefs, as it recognizes the immense contributions and worth of women in society. Islam fosters an environment that empowers women, assuring their voices are heard and their dignity is upheld.
As a Muslim woman, It is very important that we know our rights in Islam and the difference between toxic cultural norms and Islamic teachings. Remember that your Creator has bestowed upon you His boundless mercy and has granted you with numerous rights that are rightfully yours.
